*I drafted this yesterday, but forgot to post it. I was in a hurry to get ready for my BIRTHDAY party and thoroughly distracted by the new Kelly Clarkson album. Anyways, here it is:
Today is my Michael Jordan Birthday! The big 2-3! I am no longer “barely legal” but well into my twenties, and becoming more (and somehow, less) like an adult everyday. Although I want to talk about how old I feel, almost all of my friends out here in the non-dairy state are older than me, and hate when I mention how close I am to turning thirty. I know they’re right, but Heidi Montag is officially younger than me! She is 22! Isn’t that shocking? Who gets married at 22?! Oh wait…
Anyways, I certainly don’t feel like I am older than Heidi, but I do feel like I am better. So, rather than give you the top five reasons I feel old, I am going to give you the top five reasons I am awesome. And you can’t call me self-centered, because it’s my birthday.
1. He Who Must Not Be Named gave me “Mean Girls” and an incredible bottle of scotch for my birthday. I think that combination helps to illustrate my awesomeness, or at least my constant struggle between being a 16 year-old-girl and a sixty-year-old man.
2. Although I am battling a flu (and not, it is not of the porcine variety) I still plan on attending trivia night at my favorite pub, which serves the most amazing chocolate stout. My team, the Mobius Strippers, has been on a role lately, and I think this may just be our night. (It wasn’t, we didn’t even place. I think heavy drinking affects recall, someone should do a study.)
3. At a party I attended Saturday, my drinking scotch neat, and my fellow Wisconsin ex-pat friend’s champion beer drinking, was so lauded, one guy went home and exclaimed to his wife: “I LOVE WISCONSIN GIRLS!” Damn straight.
4. Every year on my birthday, my mom tells the same story, describing both my brother’s birth and mine, and how she could tell right away that our lives were going to be very different. I’ll paraphrase it here: “When your brother was born, and I held him for the first time, he had the happiest look on his face, a look of wonderment, as if to say: Wow! I am really going to like it here! You, however, looked at me through narrow eyes, skeptical and wary. If you could speak then, I imagine you would have said: Who the fuck are you.
5. I have amazing friends; they are not just people I go to movies with, and talk to on the phone once a month: my friends are follow you across Middle Earth, straight into Mordor kind of friends. They are leave Hogwarts school and travel in hiding to help you destroy Horcruxes, kind of friends. Brilliant, hilarious, genuine people who make me more awesome just by being around their unending awesomeness. I love you guys.
